Posted by Zeche Carl, Essen By Nicky N. Meyer
INTRO
When your scheduled interview collapses last-minute and someone hands you a recorder and a grin, you take a breath and walk into the chaos. That’s how I found myself sitting across from the legendary Finnish humppa machine Eläkeläiset—mid-bite, mid-beer, mid-anecdote. What followed was less a standard Q&A, more a polite cultural collision between my attempt at journalism and their unstoppable wave of weird, joyful anarchy.
They didn’t just answer questions. They dodged, danced, humppa’d around them. And somehow, it worked.
“We’re just four apathetic alcoholics trying to make a noise.”
That was the first official band statement of the night, delivered with a straight face by Kristian Voutilainen between bites of dinner. When I asked why they were called Eläkeläiset – which means The Pensioners – he pointed around the table. “Just look at us. What else could we be called?” Fair.
Despite the name, they’re not ancient. They just play like they’ve seen it all—and decided to drink through it. Humppa, a high-speed Finnish polka, is their weapon of choice. And their version of musical genius? Turning famous pop and rock songs into boozy, accordion-driven anthems.
“Why write our own songs?” Kristian shrugged. “There are already good ones out there. Let the others compose. We just make them better.”
Better, in this case, meaning faster, louder, and occasionally absurd. “If we like it, we might ruin it,” Petri joked. “And if we ruin it well, it goes on the album. If not – just live shows.”
They’re brutally honest about their craft: “Same sh*t, new package,” they said, cheerfully promoting their new release. “At least we’re consistent!”
Of Cats, Dogs, and Vodka in the Ground
Trying to steer the conversation into the usual “tell me about the tour” terrain didn’t exactly go to plan. Asked about their previous gig in Cologne, I got: “It was sold out. Looked a bit like a fight.” I think they meant it was rowdy.
As for the future? Kristian looked honestly puzzled. “We don’t really plan. Someone says ‘Wanna tour Germany?’ and we say ‘Sure.’ Could be our last tour. We don’t know.” Petri added with a grin: “I do. My future holds… a hangover.”
That was the most solid forecast of the evening.
Then came a detour into a story involving a shy cat, three dogs, and a bitten backside. “One of them bit my boombp,” Kristian declared, pointing to his rear with cartoonish flair. “Like in the comics.” Laughter erupted. “The cat was very nervous. The dog was very determined.”
What next? Oh, just the revelation that they bury vodka on tour routes. Yes—actual treasure maps. “We hide bottles, underwear, guitar picks, whatever bands might need,” explained Lassi. “Then we upload the maps to our website. If you find the X, the treasure is close.”
I was even shown one of the maps on a palmtop, complete with scribbles and Xs like some drunk pirate fanfic. “If you need alcohol, just go find it,” they grinned. “It’s free.”
FINAL WORDS
The boys of Eläkeläiset might make a joke out of every sentence, but don’t be fooled. Beneath the boombps and the humppa covers lies a strange kind of brilliance. They’re not trying to change the world. They’re trying to enjoy it – preferably in fast rhythm and with an accordion solo.
And if you’re ever in rural Germany and stumble across a bottle buried under an oak tree? You just might’ve found one of their roadside offerings.
Thanks, guys. That was weirdly wonderful.