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How can you adequately explain a deep dark fear within you, to someone that has never felt such and also hasn’t been with you in the years that you had to live with this disability.
He thinks I dramatize. Maybe I do, but I rather jump out of an airplane with a parachute than living half blind again.
And that means something from someone that takes the trash out with cold sweat on her forehead, coz you can see one level down between the stairs.
Before my operation, opening your eyes in the morning and not right away knowing where you are until you found your glasses was terrifying for me. Maybe it’s worse when you move that often.
Being denied things your good at because of a disability was no fun either. I would have been a pilots by now I reckon and hugging a stranger from behind in the swimming pool because he accidentally had the same strange neon color in his bathing trunks than my boyfriend and I kept my glasses safe with my towel was more than embarrassing.
My life got much more easy as soon as I had enough money for contact lenses. But than the eye infections, dry weather on trips so that the lenses just popped out of your eyes and the fear that you accidentally wash them out during diving and you can’t distinguish anymore where up or down is.
Mind you, I had -10 just before the operation. All I could see was light and dark and blobs of color. I started sleeping with my lenses and taking the rest of infection or worse, that the lens could slip behind my eye.