Mothers little helper

Hey, guess what? I’m almost cured!

Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but I’m at the point in my mental health treatment where I only need to pop one type of pill – serotonin medication 1selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). These little guys boost my mood by increasing my serotonin levels, and it seems that’s a good thing. Sure, there are some side effects, but hey, who doesn’t love a good night of sweating and nausea?

My doctor seems to think I’m making progress, so we’ve reduced my other medications and put all our faith in these magic pills. I’m excited to see how this experiment plays out. If all goes well, I’ll be back to my old, cheerful self in no time – or at least until the next mental breakdown. Fingers crossed!

The funny thing is, serotonin is in the sunshine, and so is Vitamin D. One reason we chose Malta is that I’m a sun worshipper, and I spend loads of time in the garden outside. However, my body seems to be lacking both serotonin and Vitamin D, which is a bummer. So, I’m putting my trust in ‘Nicky’s Little Helper’ – which in my case is a combination of serotonin pills and a hair-nail compound with tons of Vitamin D, on top of my daily worship sessions.

Let’s see if this works!

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Just filling some empty (page)void

As every time lately, I feel like I have something to tell. I sit down and get everything ready to start writing and then the white space in front of me starts mocking me.

So much has changed in the past 36 days. That’s how long we are in isolation. 36 days of which we had about a week of good weather to sit out on the balcony. 36 days of which we went shopping 3 times and I went to the trash bin outside just as often. For the rest it’s just Hass and me. And not even that. He still needs to work and wants to play WOW when he is off. So that means 8-10 hours truly on my own.

That’s not the bit that has changed. The bit that has changed is me not being able to go to town and watch people, so i feel more connected. Not being able to go and take photographs and enjoy the world from a different perspective and not being able to have those chance encounters in the street that made it worth living in a city. And that my mood and health is going through some real rollercoaster motions. I don’t have the virus, but my body is reacting to the stress and the depression that comes with it.

Also not going to school is a hard thing for me. I knew how much school meant to me as I booked it, but I didn’t understand how much my outlook on each week had changed, until that was gone again. Then I can’t just practice at home. Firstly, I was too late with getting material and secondary, I have not even half the tools I would need to make something decent. The first thing I would need is an actual flame to heat up the metal and make it workable or to close up a jump ring or such. Still, Im watching videos and reading books on how to do it.

Im not even bored. I have plenty to keep me occupied, learn, try, create. But the same happends when trying to write as with trying to create other art… I keep staring at the page.

Anyway. I keep reminding me that I don’t need to be productive now. I don’t need to be creative.

What is your greatest challenge right now, besides feeding yourself?

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To host or not to host

Hosting providers always pull you in with an “incredible” offer and then when your year is up, the price you are supposed to pay is 2 or 3 times as higher as you started the contract with. I always thought, that this is not the best way to keep loyal clients but it seems to work for them. I, however, move my sites and blogs to the next host and the cycle again. It does become tiring and frustrating and after witnessing my pain for the 5th time, Hass proposed to find me a solution which will mean I only pay for my usage and I don’t have to move as long as the tech titan Amazon S3 will exist.

This, however, came with another painful adjustment and bending of code and shifting posts and pictures and such… however if all goes well, its the last time for a while. I also decided with this change, to send my blog on a diet. I removed anything before 2014, except the music-related posts, revisited some of the posts to add some pictures or update the style and also gave a new jacket to the entire blog so my photography will be more prominent going forward.

A couple of strange things happened with the move and I apologize if you have gotten an e-mail confirming your comment from 4 years ago. All in all I am very happy with the changes and I hope you will enjoy this improved version!

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Good Bye Gary and Kyle

Sometimes living is hard. One reason is, you have to say goodbye to dear people. And sometimes, these people haven’t even been your friends or close to you, but somewhere along the way they made a deep impact on your life and you feel a void when you find out they have left this earth.

Two of these fine specimen just did so in a short space of time.
Kyle Sabel and Gary Muchmore.

I knew both from being on tour with Savage and others back in 2002 and stayed in touch with them ever since. Not frequented and just light hearted but we allways had fun when we met each other back on the road. It was amazing to me, that after all these years and all the people they met, they remembered me and welcomed me. Both had a heart of gold, an amazing sense of humour and it was a pleasure to be around them.

As with many in the music community, they helped me keep heart, when I thought I would not have the strength to be on the road any longer. They saw in me a passion for touring and shared with me this strange love without judging me.

Hundreds of people wrote on their facebook walls and shed tears and even though I am just one of the many, I ad my voice to the quire in saying:

You will be missed.

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Hass hates Lettuce – and wordpress

Unfortunately I lost Hass… for the intents and purposes of this blog anyhow.

Since Hass never felt comfortable with a wordpress blog, he started a tumbler blog of his one: “I Hate Lettuce” is the blog for you if your curious about his ramblings about politics, people, morals and our move to spain.

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Above the clouds

I always dreamed of traveling. Even as little girl. Airplanes and far distant destinations have been daily food for thought. I wanted to see the pyramids and hieroglyphs in the hot Egyptian sun, the temples of old in India with their exotic statues of god and goddesses. Natural beauty as the northern lights or the great barrier reef.
But above all I love the idea of road trips. No real destination, not time table and getting lost once in a while. And if you think road-trip, lots of people right away associate that with America, maybe route 66 but certainly ridiculous road side attractions such as the biggest ball of yarn or the smiling sausage in a bun which is happily waving to every passer by.
Danny Vaughn describes it quite well in “just like that” (one of my favorite songs)

“… No destination so they can’t get lost,
Talking to strangers in truck stops,
And learning what they can about life
I want to be just like that,
A little crazy but my heart’s intact,
I want to feel the love every day of my life,…”

Now I am sitting in an airplane – still about 4 hours to go – and am on my way to exactly such an adventure…..

I couldn’t believe for a long time, that this really is going to happen, but in the plane and having just passed greenland, I can’t deny it 😛
We are going to spend first a few days in Austin Texas – music capital of the US, as they say – and start our road trip from there.
We planned our trip with Unfortunately per trip, you are only allowed a certain amount of way-points, so we split up the trip in two.

I can’t wait to get started. You can make dreams come true at least when the stars align it seems…

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They say travel changes the traveller. In what way will this adventure change me? How will it affect my goals, my values, my personality? Will I desire to travel more or less afterwards? Is this the beginning of a new lifestyle or just an epic holiday at a time of unclear paths? Will it be arduous or frivolous? So much is unclear today. All I know for sure is that I will do this. And that it will change me forever. And that is half of the appeal for me. To have a blank canvas on which to paint.

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